The Audacity of This Succulent (And Me)

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I’ve spent most of my life as a professional "Yes Person." If there was a gold medal for worrying about what my second cousin’s roommate thought of my life choices, I’d have a trophy room. For the longest time, I thought that "validity" was something I had to earn from others, like a punch card at a coffee shop. Ten "Good Job" stamps from my family, and maybe I’d finally get a free "I’m Allowed to Exist" latte.

The Exhaustion of the "Yes Person"

Being a people-pleaser isn't just about being "nice." It’s a full-time, unpaid job that requires constant surveillance of everyone else's moods. It’s like trying to cook a massive holiday meal for twenty people who all have different, conflicting allergies. You spend all your time checking labels and swapping ingredients, and in the end, you serve something so bland and safe that nobody really enjoys it, especially not you. You're left standing in a messy kitchen, exhausted, while everyone else goes home full.

When you live your life for the "stamps" on that validity card, you lose the ability to hear your own voice. You start asking for permission to feel sad, permission to be angry, and permission to make a change. I realized that I was looking for a witness to my life before I felt I had the right to lead it.

Lessons from the Concrete

But lately, things have changed. I’ve reached a point where I’ve realized that my feelings, my thoughts, and my decisions are valid simply because they are mine. It doesn't matter if the environment around me is a little rocky, a little dark, or entirely unimpressed.

Look at this succulent in the photo. This plant is a mood. It didn’t ask the concrete for permission to grow there. It didn’t check with the surrounding rubble to see if "green" was a popular color this season. It just... is. It saw a tiny crack, a sliver of opportunity, and it took it. It didn’t wait for a gardener to come along with premium soil and a designer pot. It made the rubble work.

In our modern life, we are often paralyzed by the idea that we need the "perfect" conditions to start something new. We think we need the right degree, the right amount of savings, or the unanimous approval of our social circle before we can "bloom." But nature doesn't work that way, and neither should we. Sometimes, the most beautiful growth happens in the most inconvenient places.

Mindset Shifts: From Permission to Power

Shifting away from a people-pleasing mindset is a true "mind over matter" challenge. It’s about retraining your brain to realize that the "matter"—the external opinions and rocky environments—doesn't have to dictate your internal state. When you stop looking for a witness, you start looking for your own strength.

This doesn't mean life suddenly becomes easy. It means that when things get "rocky," you no longer see the rocks as a sign that you shouldn't be there. Instead, you see them as the foundation you’re growing through. This shift is empowering because it puts the remote control of your life back in your hands. You stop being a character in everyone else's script and start writing your own "Unscripted Truth."

The Unscripted Truth

To move from a "Yes Person" to someone who owns their space, I’ve had to embrace a few hard truths:

  • Your feelings don't need a witness. You don't need someone to say "I see why you're mad" for your anger to be real. Validation is an inside job. If you feel it, it is real. Period.

  • Decisions aren't a democracy. You are the only person who has to live in your head 24/7. Everyone else is just a guest. You shouldn't be letting the guests pick out the furniture you have to sit on every single day.

  • "No" is a complete sentence. I’m still practicing this one, but I’ve moved up from "No, I'm so sorry, please don't hate me" to just "No, I can't make it." It feels awkward at first, like wearing a new pair of shoes that haven't been broken in, but eventually, it becomes your most comfortable fit.

Thriving in the Crack of the Wall

I’m done trying to bloom in a vase that someone else picked out. Vases are restrictive, they are designed to hold something in place until it eventually wilts and is replaced by the next "pretty" thing. I’d rather be like this plant: slightly stubborn, incredibly bright, and thriving in the middle of a crack in the wall just because I feel like it.

We all have those "cracks" in our lives, whether they are physical limitations, financial hurdles, or past mistakes. The goal isn't to wait for the wall to be repaired before we start living. The goal is to be the green thing that makes the wall look better just by being there.

Mindset shifts aren't about changing your circumstances overnight, they are about changing how you perceive your right to exist within them. Whether you are navigating a difficult day or a difficult decade, remember that you don't need a permit to grow. You just need the audacity to start.



#UnscriptedParadox #BellRamos #SimplySouthern

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* Welcome to my corner of the digital world. I’m a fantasy writer dedicated to exploring the 'Grey' areas of life—both in my fiction on Amazon Kindle and on my blog, Unscripted Paradox. Living in Honduras after growing up in Middle Tennessee has given me a unique perspective on the world, which I pour into my characters and my craft. When I’m not managing the operations for a busy appliance repair service, you’ll find me with a crochet hook in hand or lost in a new chapter.

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